A few chapters ago I realized this story is about a lifetime friendship between two leaders in the same kingdom who operate from different value systems. Do these notes below show their friendship?
- This is a good plot line, but looking on 1. Barebones, there are a lot of chapters that focus on just Obadiah and the bubblers etc. Looking at your chapter titles, etc., I’m not convinced that the main focus is on the friendship.
Dave,
Here are some of my overall thoughts:
-As you mentioned, Ahab is thought of as one of the most overall evil kings that have ever lived. I don’t see that in your story yet. Yes, he allows children to be sacrificed to idols in his kingdom, but he seems to do it because he is weak or because he allows his wife to run the kingdom. There’s some greed there, and he just wants to ignore the atrocities. I understand that you want to make him human and not a monster. I think that’s a great idea. But I think at certain moments we need to feel or see the evil side of him more clearly. I think Obadiah needs to be repulsed by this part of Ahab. (You show this in the slave girl chapter I believe, but we need more of this.) I think Obadiah being the godly man that he is would at times feel spiritually sick from being around Ahab. He could grieve for the boy he once knew and loved as a brother, but at the same time be totally repulsed. I think this element needs to be significantly stronger in your story.
-If the story is about their friendship, what is the “dark moment.” Any time I take a seminar class on plotting or story arcs, etc., the “dark moment” when all seems to be lost seems to be an essential ingredient. Looking at the chapter titles, I don’t think I see this yet, and I don’t think it should be Ahab’s death either. I think it needs to be turning point in their friendship or in Obadiah’s heart.
-Personally, I feel that this is Obadiah’s story more than anything. That would tie the bubbler chapters to the Ahab chapters, and you could include a focus on the two friends having different value systems, but in my suggestion that would not be the main focus.
-Questions to consider: What is Obadiah’s goal? What drives him? At the dark moment, what is lost? (I think it might be powerful if Obadiah believes that his integrity or honor are lost, or maybe he somehow believes he’s failed the Lord.)
-If it’s really Obadiah’s and Ahab’s story, then, I think you need to have some chapters from Ahab’s POV.
These are just some thoughts that come to my mind. It’s your story. Feel free to discard and ignore any of this as you see fit.
I’m enjoying your story and learning much about Obadiah, Ahab, and Elijah I look forward to seeing more!.
Blessings,
Sherry
