Jason the choir director watches Rev. Daniel return to his study and notes the deep furrow in his [whose?] brow. He [who?] never
married. He never tells his age. There is not a musical instrument he has not mastered or dabbled with. Music is
his life. He revamped this song with the help of a friend.

[This first song is really good!] [Love the dialogue!]

All I know is that you made her so proud when you decided to return to the states, [Does the play show them before this being outside the states?]


I like the second half of your song even more now. It never really was about me and I
like that you’ve recognized it was always inside. [I started skimming ahead here, looking for some action.] [I found this dialogue difficult to stick with in this section.]

That’s my religion. Duck or die.


Yeah, I think I need some remember when time [good line]

The swallow song is a nifty idea. If I could hear, I’d ask for the soundtrack. But I can’t, so let it be a nifty idea.

Picking up at Act One, Scene 6.

[I’d just want to you to know that not everyone wants to hurt you.]

I like “Rainsong” very much.

The summary (As Rain is singing she is transported back ), however is TELLing and asks the reader/listener to accept a ton of ideas without being SHOWn them in real time.

 I’ve got to take care of something I’ve been putting off for too long.” Makes me think he’s got to go to the bathroom.

[He picks up a pen and starts to write.] Since we see what he writes, it would be more accurate to say, [He picks up a pen and starts to write.]

it is all you see on the news, on the tv shows ” — Way to show us our thoughts. Well done! Ha!

I’m laughing with them on the strife song.

Here’s how I would edit these two lines: [That’s when I realized you were probably going to be a pastor, eventually.

But you had your ideas of life which I am glad you pursued, because when you decided to open or revive your papa’s church, you were ready. And look at you now.]

Oops! [ I gave this one dude my lunch, he didn’t ask but kept staring every time I took a bite. ] How is he taking bites of what he gave away?

When I got to the ROAR song maybe I had seen too many songs. Don’t know.

The “I Believe I Will” song looks like I would enjoy it another day. Maybe the play has too many songs. Or maybe this is not my day for songs. I don’t know.

Yikes! my “don’t know” isn’t any help. Sorry.

Your arteries will be bursting with flavor.” Got me laughing.

I realize no play has to be strictly logical. But if you want to criticize the idea of trees are different, so people can be different, the idea has a big hole. People differ in so many hundreds of ways that sexual orientation has a hard time finding a place on the stage.

 Mr. Monet

Do you have a majority?

The Murder of Naboth – 1 Kings 21:1-15

I thought this [It makes people like me] meant that people liked her. Then I read the next line.

[They be talking 

Bout this land is ours

And oppressin


IMHO, this is an anachronism, reading modern oppression stories into the Bible.

Fantastic play, Resa! Hope you can use a few of my scribblings.

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