Jason the choir director watches Rev. Daniel return to his study and notes the deep furrow in his [whose?] brow. He [who?] never
married. He never tells his age. There is not a musical instrument he has not mastered or dabbled with. Music is
his life. He revamped this song with the help of a friend.
All I know is that you made her so proud when you decided to return to the states, [Does the play show them before this being outside the states?]
I like the second half of your song even more now. It never really was about me and I
like that you’ve recognized it was always inside. [I started skimming ahead here, looking for some action.] [I found this dialogue difficult to stick with in this section.]
That’s my religion. Duck or die.
Yeah, I think I need some remember when time [good line]
The swallow song is a nifty idea. If I could hear, I’d ask for the soundtrack. But I can’t, so let it be a nifty idea.
Picking up at Act One, Scene 6.[I’d just want
I like “Rainsong” very much.
The summary (As Rain is singing she is transported back ), however is TELLing and asks the reader/listener to accept a ton of ideas without being SHOWn them in real time.
“ I’ve got to take care of something I’ve been putting off for too long.” Makes me think he’s got to go to the bathroom.[He picks up a pen and starts to write.] Since we see what he writes, it would be more accurate to say, [He picks up a pen and starts to write.]
“it is all you see on the news, on the tv shows ” — Way to show us our thoughts. Well done! Ha!
I’m laughing with them on the strife song.
Here’s how I would edit these two lines: [That’s when I realized you were probably going to be a pastor,
But you had your ideas of life which I am glad you pursued, because when you decided to
open or revive your papa’s church, you were ready. And look at you now.]
Oops! [ I gave this one dude my lunch, he didn’t ask but kept staring every time I took a bite. ] How is he taking bites of what he gave away?
When I got to the ROAR song maybe I had seen too many songs. Don’t know.
The “I Believe I Will” song looks like I would enjoy it another day. Maybe the play has too many songs. Or maybe this is not my day for songs. I don’t know.
Yikes! my “don’t know” isn’t any help. Sorry.
“Your arteries will be bursting with flavor.” Got me laughing.
I realize no play has to be strictly logical. But if you want to criticize the idea of trees are different, so people can be different, the idea has a big hole. People differ in so many hundreds of ways that sexual orientation has a hard time finding a place on the stage.
Do you have a majority?
The Murder of Naboth – 1 Kings 21:1-15
I thought this [It makes people like me] meant that people liked her. Then I read the next line.[They be talking
Bout this land is ours
IMHO, this is an anachronism, reading modern oppression stories into the Bible.
Fantastic play, Resa! Hope you can use a few of my scribblings.